Blog, Humor

Underpants on Fire?

So, I needed some new underwear, and headed to T.K. Maxx here in Hamburg. Took me quite a while to find some I liked, but finally settled on these in the pic.

Got them home, tried them on, all is well. But then, I saw the inside label. Of course, my first instinct was to laugh out loud. Who the hell needs this warning?

Then, I wondered if I was being too flippant about it. I mean it must be there for a real purpose, mustn’t it?

So, my mind went to work. And now, this little inside label has me extremely worried. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t plan on catching my panties on fire.

But I still have a host of questions.

  1. Does this apply to figurative fires as well? My hubby still tries to light my fire. Sometimes he even succeeds. Now he might like the extra special effects as proof of his sexual prowess. Me…not so much.

  2. What are the guidelines for lying while wearing these panties? And are there gradations of untruths? Like a little white lie wouldn’t provoke a conflagration, but a Brett Kavanaugh lie would make toast of my vajayjay…

  3. Should we send a few pairs to Brett? I think it’s the least we can do. Don’t you?

  4. If I do find myself in a fire situation, what would be the proper protocol…shed my panties?

  5. Also how does this fit into the Stop, Drop, and Roll recommendation? Where in the scenario should I incorporate it. Before I stop…after. As I drop…the second I hit the ground. While I’m rolling…

  6. Does the size of the fire matter? I mean, if I am at a barbecue, does that count? Or should I run for my life the minute someone says Let’s fire up the barbie?

  7. Given all the possible eventualities, might it just be better for me to go commando?

Okay, those are my questions.

Do you have any?

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Underpants on Fire?

    1. I can totally understand the bag warning…if there’s food inside…for people who are so hungry they might eat right through it. LOL.

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